classes
so my schedule is official. i am taking women and literature, intro to sociology, intro to international studies, and intro to literature. cultural anthropology and feminist theory were closed. i was sad in the face. but i do now have dr. crowley for two classes, which means that the last four hours of my thursdays are spent in her classes. yeah. so i have class from 8-10 monday wednesday and friday. tuesdays i have class from 8 till 1. thursdays i have class from 8-3. oh well. its all good.
i have to finish a paper and i don't wanna.
the good life
i don't really have a lot to say, but i wanted to post anyways. mad tv is on and it's pretty funny. i have to register for classes in a bit. i'm going to be a crazy hippie and take strange classes. it looks like intro to sociology, feminist theory, intro to international studies, and cultural anthropology. i'm pretty proud of myself. dr. duqette, on the other hand, won't be too happy. but i don't care. the truth is i don't know what i want to do with my life, so i'm taking a shitload of interesting classes to figure out exactly what it is i'm doing. feminist theory is for my minor, so at least i can get one requirement out of the way. cale's gone and i want to talk to him. alex is at school and i want to talk to him too. maybe i'll transfer to edgewood and be a hippy with cale in madison. but that means leaving and i don't want to. but maybe i do. but i'm just really confused. i'm not making anymore goddamned decisions until i get put on some meds for the anxiety again. i'm going to see my doctor over break. until then, expect nothing but the crazy from me. i'll try to chill on the emo but i make no guarantees. at least i'll try to save it for cale-he's worse than i am. i'm gonna visit madison over break because it's really sad that i haven't seen cale since my birthday. oh man. it's the kim jong-il show on mad tv. it's funny. well anyways i'm going to be done now.
happy post.
this post will be happy dammit.
well things that make me happy include seeing joe today and not fighting with alex anymore. both of these were great events. i also got to see good movies this weekend(rent and walk the line-which i saw with dylan!). and amy got back safely. and i woke up in time for my 9 am class. i'm healthy and not too tired. there's only a couple of weeks left to the semester. they had mac and cheese in the caf today. i got to wear a green sweater and purple tights. i went to gender studies and felt like an actual contributor to the conversation. i think i'll stop there.
airplane!
so i went to two different airports today! and i got a melissa and a christine! it's so nice to have everyone back at school. amy's held up in chicago but i bet she'll be back soon.
so lots of things are going on, none of which are under my control. oh well. i give up.
in other news, no news is good news right?
lauren is cool. she walked to a & w and brought me back chili cheese fries. yum.
do you wanna?
nothing new going on around here. the hall is still pretty dead, but there's more than four people here now. i spent most of my day watching mtv and eating twizzlers. it was cool. i also slept until noon. that was really cool. now i feel like i should want to leave but i kinda don't. i wanna watch movies. maybe i will.
if anyone needs me, i'll be in bed. is 5 o clock too early for pyjamas?
people
where have all the people gone? i want to hang out with people but there's no one to hang out with. dammit.
so how many nights in a row have i been sitting here bored? well last night wasn't so boring, but prettymuch every other night this past week has been. blah.
so yeah. people are here and i'm pissy. sorry people. i wanna sleep. you can't really be a bitch in your sleep.
...
....
.....
!!!!!!
i really need to find entertainment before i freak.
this song is called alice's restaurant. it's about alice.
and the restaurant.
guess what i'm listening to? it's a thanksgiving tradition.
so today has been truly fantastic. i woke up at 10:30 and sat on my ass for a really long time. then, at 2:45, my mother picked me up and we went to the movies, because thanksgiving dinner has offically been moved to sunday night to accomodate my brothers' hunting schedule. we saw rent, which was fucking amazing. i was skeptical at first, but i really truly enjoyed it. sure, there were a couple of hokey moments, but that's what musicals are for. i cried when angel died. fuck, i cried at the end too. it's great.
after that, my mother and i had a thanksgiving meal that couldn't be beat at perkins. i was truly thankful for my cheese omelette, which i believe was the best thanksgiving meal ever, considering it came completely free of familial bullshit. and now i'm back in my room waiting for alex to come get me and take me to the movies again.
ok so here's a list of things i'm thankful for, because yes i'm cheesy like that. bear in mind it's a partial list.
heat, food, old friends, new friends, friends who call me on my bullshit, friends who are there for me, fuck all of my friends in general, my health, some of my family, music, pringles (which are a category entirely different from food), googing, my cell phone, my car, most of the material goods i use daily, love in all its forms, my warm bed, the roof over my head, the fact that dorms stay open over thanksgiving, and books. that's all i can think of for now.
"shrink, i wanna kill. i wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth." ~arlo guthrie. i'm thankful for arlo too. he makes my thanksgiving.
1 amazing thing
so i just went to shower and the facilities guys were in the bathroom "testing the seals" on the windows, which amounted to them smoking cigars in the bathroom and poking at the windows witha screwdriver. but the amazing part was..... IT SMELLED LIKE POT! REALLY STRONGLY! and it's not just me. lauren thought so to. damn.
and another thing..... a certain person needs to cheer the fuck up or stop leaving depressing comments on my blog. dude, what the hell?
good times in the banger
so the past couple of nights have been a little stupid, a little crazy, and a lot of fun. let us begin with monday night. i was trying to coordinate my trip to the airport, so lauren and i went off looking for our friend christine's room. we left her a message on the board and came back to 211 cuz we're losers like then. about ten seconds later, anne burst in cursing like there's no tomorrow about the packers game. this continued for every commercial break until the game was done. then she came in and yelled for about 5 minutes straight. we were amused. then, lauren busted out the sharpies and got pleasantly high from drawing a picture of okinawa. shortly after, christine came down and she, lauren, anne, and i had a fabulous time shooting the shit for two hours or so. in this time, we decided that adi was an asshole and that we were going to email him to tell him so. adi is a montenegran asshole who is the president of beyond borders (he overthrew pui yan's regime recently). so i sat down and composed a beatiful email with the help of my dear friends lauren and christine. then hardcorejames from my psych class called and we discussed how neither of us had begun to study for the exam we had the next day. so we talked about our general unpreparedness and the fact that he planned on going to 506 and getting completely shitfaced after it was over. then i went to bed.
yesterday, i sat on my ass and did nothing for most of the day. then i brought christine and melissa to the airport so they could go home for thanksgiving. then i brought arnora to the greyhound station so she could go home for thanksgiving. we discussed many things along the way, such as the similarities between bellevue road and ashland avenue and speeding tickets, crappy cars, and old people. i dropped her off and called joe. joe was at work, so i got amy and we went for chinese. at china king, we ran into claire and jesse. so we all chatted for a bit and then amy and i left. we wanted to see the 40 year old virgin but we wanted to bring katie and she would've missed her ride home so we sat in amy's room and watched finding neverland, which made us all cry. after watching the beauty that is jonny depp, i came back upstairs and had an anxiety attack. that part wasn't much fun. but then lauren came home and we watched the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, which was a really funny movie. then i fell asleep to the lion king 1 1/2. then i went to bed and didn't get up until the next morning, when i had to do laundry.
so now i'm doing laundry and waiting for people to be done with school so i can leave and have fun. lauren's still asleep.
melissa and christine and katie and ann and everyone else i know except lauren is gone and i'm bored/sad. de pere is so boring without them. on the plus side, with everyone gone campus is really really quiet. and it snowed last night which made it really pretty too.
heroes don't do any good with tears in their eyes
so i'm almost done with a semester, and i'm freaking out. honestly, i hate it. school sucks. i'm paying 30 grand a year to be talked to and do work. i don't know what i want to do. i thought i was set with psychology, but honestly now i don't know. nothing feels right. i give up.
i am now officially on break. however, this doesn't mean that i escape three big papers that are due within a week of one another. so it looks like tomorrow will be entirely composed of laundry and homework. there may be some fun in there, but i doubt it. meh. the rest of the break will have lots and lots of family obligations/friend obligations/school obligations because breaks simply cannot be actual breaks from activity.
i wish school was easy again. fuck, i wish life was easy again.
oh boy you are so pretty
oh man. neutral milk hotel again. <3. <3. <3.
so things are kind of blah. i have stuff that needs to be done like now but i'm obviously not doing it because blogging about nothing is better than doing homework and hiding evidence of illegal activities.
so i feel a little antisocial today, which ought to make work and rainbow alliance oodles of fun. i think much of this weekend will be spent vegging out in my room. people can come here if they want to see me. all i wanna do is work on papers and watch movies for hours on end. all my old friends are going to be home but they're all going to be busy so i'll just sit here. i'm not feeling bad for myself i promise. its a fact, and i accept it. in fact, i think being alone by choice will be an interesting experience. i spend most of my week alone which usually makes me feel really lonely. but then i didn't really see anyone apart from alex and greg and claire this weekend, which made me feel kind of lonely too. so i guess i should start enjoying my alone time.
so last night i talked to dylan and cale for a long time. i miss that dylan kid a lot. he's always been a good friend and i miss doing stuff with him. i miss cale too. its been too long since i've seen him. is anyone up for a road trip to madison? i'm not sure my car will make it, but we can try.
me: cale, if i mail myself to you, will you pay the postage?
cale: yes
me: good. expect me in 2-4 business days
cale: remember to punch airholes. the last time someone sent me a girl, they forgot to punch airholes. we buried her in the back yard next to fluffy and spike.
tonight i have to study for a psych exam that i have tomorrow. dr. z is truly evil giving an exam on the last day before break. but i can't study until after the meeting with the positive voice people for rainbow, which is after i work 3:30-6. and i have class today which i am not prepared for in the least. i don't know much right now. i'm tired. and crabby. but that's nothing new.
it's said and done
but it's too late to turn your age around.
this weekend was eventful and uneventful all at once. last night was bizarre to say the least. only the pickle in the refrigerator convinced me it wasn't a really really wierd dream.
i'm sitting here bored wishing people would come and visit. or maybe rescue me from the dorm. i've spent waaay too much time here this weekend. blah.
i think i'm gonna go find some entertainment.
why bitches gotta be bitches?
i totally stole that one from trevor.
so yeah. i spent way to much yesterday and might have misplaced some cash too. i have 20 bucks for dinner, a possible movie, and gas. eek.
i'm bored. work sucks. i'm pretty sure i'm gonna spend my night trying to get people to shut the hell up so i can sleep like a normal person. i spent last night in my dorm room watching 'ferris bueller's day off' with melissa, which was fun but all weekend in my room? i'll go crazy. the person who's supposed to save me won't answer his phone...
but in happier news i now own four new cds. i have sunny day real estate, the get up kids, fugazi, and neutral milk hotel. i <3 neutral milk hotel soooo sooo much. they're crazy and i love it. the get up kids is awesome. i misplaced a cd of theirs that i had had before but now i own 'the guilt show' which is just as good as 'on a wire' if not better. i've been so engrossed by those two that the fugazi and the sunny day real estate are still sitting unopened in my car. i should've bought some bright eyes just to piss lauren off (joke).
ok well i think that's it for me. i have to clean up the workplace and get ready to go! yay!
here i sit. i'm all by myself. i'm trying to quit...
so here's the deal. i am no longer in the business of apologizing for things that are beyond my control. the first thing i'm gonna stop apologizing for is mick. mick, it is not my fault that you like me. i don't like you the way you like me and you have to deal with it. this doesn't mean that i'm a bad person or that you're a bad person. it means taht i don't like you. that is all. i refuse to apologize for not liking you. if you expect me to apologize, then you're just gonna have to be disappointed because it's not happening.
the second thing i'm not going to apologize for anymore is joe. i did nothing wrong. i refuse to be made to feel guilty for liking someone and kissing him. i didn't have a boyfriend at the time. i wasn't cheating on anyone. neither was he. two single people who want to kiss are going to kiss and there isn't anything wrong with that. i like joe and i'm not gonna apologize to anyone about that. not even him.
the next non-apology goes to rob. see the paragraph about mick. it's almost the same except that i never liked him in the first place. i also never slept with him.
the only four people who have deserved apologies from me in the past week are alex joe guy and paul. alex and joe cuz i honestly don't remember what i said when we spoke when i was drunk so if i offended you i really didn't mean to. guy, i really didn't want to hurt you and i hope you can understand why this all happened. paul deserved the apology he got i only wish i had been sober when i did it.
so there.
..................
i'm bored. there isn't anyone except greg to talk to and he's not talking. lauren's sick.i'm not. i'm hyper. i'm also hoping for some goog times soon... anyways whatever.
it's snowing outside, which is absolutely the most beautiful thing ever. i wanna walk in it and play in it and then come inside and drink apple cider. and after that, there should be lots and lots of sleepytime and snuggletime and such.
i cannot wait for the end of the semester. it is ridiculous how much i'm beginning to hate my classes. oh well. i just want to fuck around and get away with it. no class, no responsibility, no nothing.
damn. i left my cds in my car and it's really really snowy. no cds for me.
i have a hangover. does anybody know what that means?
that you're drunk?
no. that i was drunk
yesterday.i had a great time up until i wanted the dizziness to stop and it wouldn't. now i'm still dizzy, and i'm shaking and sick to my stomach too! all on four hours of sleep!
i am going to take this opportunity to apologize to everyone who had to deal with me last night, including but not limited to: joe, cale, dylan, lauren, melissa, mel, tri, anne, erin, amy, sarah p from down the hall, and i'm sure there were many more.
so anyways i should get ready for work. so ima go clean up a little.
things that make lauren and emma happy
anne playing violin for us!
melissa's id!
sleeping till noon thirty and missing our morning classes!
fuse! especially when it's good music!
so lots of fucked up shit has been going down. drama city is located at sensenbrenner 211 or wherever else i may happen to be. but whatever. it will blow over eventually. and if it doesn't blow over, we'll all live.
anne is good at the violin. it's making my day.
anyways, melissa is here with her id and we're off to buy fun things.
cats is the worst musical ever made
but the song memory is really funny when sung by a little girl named summer in school of rock.
so reading alex's post about what it was like when he was a kid made me think about simpler times. to be honest, 99.9% of the time i don't miss stuff from the past, but today is definately the .1% of the time when i do. most of this stems from seeing a ghost from the past in mick's room and having a conversation about the past with joe. i am still really hurt and really angry. i am not the type to get over a situation like the one that happened last january. those of you who can put two and two together will figure this one out pretty quickly.
as for the middle name thing, it was a joke. it was put here for the entertainment of two readers, one who goes by the name of carbomb and the other who knows who he is.
well i need to shower so i'm gonna do that. i'ma wear a skirt today yay!
when i'm sleeping and i'm not breathing
well i don't remember the rest of the lyric but i remember that i liked it. and if some people want to bitch about my use of fall out boy lyrics, do it to my face and don't be a pussy.
i have a new rule: if you don't know if you should be reading this, ask yourself if you know my middle name. if you don't know my middle name, don't read this.
so why am i distressed? a variety of reasons that come in all shapes and sizes. all have a few things in common. such as a gender. there are too many of them.
so most of my plans for the weekend were foiled in one way or another. oh well. i still saw chicken little, which was really cute.
well i'm off to look at the beauty that is heath ledger.
my day in a nutshell
last night was lots of fun. for the most part. after work, i went and got alex and we went to KFC. then we went to joe's. we watched movies. sarah came over. then we left. i drove around for like a half hour and got lost. then i ended up on humboldt road because i'm dumb and when joe tells me how to get back to the highway i don't listen.so yes that was definately an extra 20 minutes or so onto my trip time and i came out next to UWGB on highway 57. but i'm guessing it was a good thing because i probably would've been a part of the huge accident i saw on the on ramp to 41. yep. it was really bad and i missed it by a few minutes. so maybe i was supposed to get lost? i dunno. what i do know is that i didn't get back until 1 and then i stayed up until 2:30 or so watching the fresh prince of bel-air with my roommate.
today should be ok. i'm going to the movies with my 12 year old brother abe. we're going to see chicken little. after that, i'm eating dinner at my mom's. then i can do whatever i want as long as i get my email done for WAGS. well on that note, it's shower time.
the shit has hit the fan
and it's spread out and covered all of us. but in the immortal words of a good friend, "fuck 'em".
alex, i'm not mad at you. i mean it. in fact, i will see you at five.
well my weekend turned shitty in a hurry. oh well. at least i got to spend last night corrupting anne's shadows and getting angry phone calls. today i'm going to see alex. sorry trevor we shall hang out another night. maybe monday? tuesday night will be jello shots and bacardi for all! well if you count a few girls i know as "all". lauren found a recipe to get lots of vodka into jello.... expect a hangover post wednesday.
the oldies are good today. california dreamin and kokomo back to back. and fall out boy played in my car this morning on the way to work.
i should feel like a bad person, but i don't.
turn of the lights and turn off the shyness
cuz all of the moves make up for the silence.
so there is a song i like. it is called 'of all the gin joints in the world' it's by fall out boy (who else?). this particular song has been quoted for three of my last four or five posts as the title of the post and the first line ('i used to waste my time dreaming of being alive' and 'the way your hair dye stains my pillowcase'). alex and i listened to fall out boy in the car last night. he knows what i'm talking about.
last night was lots of fun. my mommy brought me CANDY and new glasses. then i went and picked up alex and we came back to campus and ate in the caf (yay pizza hut night!) then alex met mick and rob and then he and i came back to my room to chill. however, our plan was foiled by a fire drill. after a stern lecture from the fire chief (you were slow ladies!), we went to barnes and noble. we ran into josh (aka mookie) and tried to help him find some music or a book but it didn't work. then we left and went to family video and rented school of rock and another movie whose name i can't remember (sorry alex). then we watched the movie and joe came over and watched it with us. then mike came home. then after a while (which means really late), i went back to my dorm. after a scary trek back from the freshman lot in the dark (thanks joe and jonny who talked to me on the phone while i walked), i posted an away message and went to sleep.
so my weekend is shaping up pretty well. i'm chilling with trevor and whoever else wants to come along (with trevor's permission) on saturday night. tonight i think i'm going to bother alex and make him watch the other movie we rented with me. sunday abie and i are going to see chicken little. sometime this weekend i want to see greg and beg a back rub off of him. yes, i use him for the back rubs.
so i'm gonna go shower and then go to work. maybe i'll see some of you later.
i like stuff.
i am quite cheerful today. in fact, my level of cheeriness is a little scary. oh well.
so tonight my mom is bringing me halloween candy. after that i get to hang out with alex yay! then tomorrow i don't have my last class of the day, so i'm gonna just chill in my room until work. this weekend, i may be hanging out with greg at some point and i have to go to a baby shower on saturday for my cousin amy. Other than that, my only plans involve me, my brother abe, and the movie theatre. i'm taking him to see chicken little, which i'm very excited about. i don't really get to spend time alone with abe so it should be fun.
so the moral of the story is i'm happy. and people who get bored this weekend should call me friday after 8 or saturday after 5 if they want to hang out.
things that make me happy:
1. people
2. places
3. stuff
and oh the way your hair dye stains my pillowcase
like i'll never be the same.
damned fall out boy. always stuck in my head (with some minor alterations-it's supposed to say makeup instead of hair dye).
well away from sappy emo lyrics now and onto more important things.
i got my class schedule for next semester sorted out. if all goes according to plan i'll be taking philosophy, intro to lit, intro to the bible, and intro to sociology. and i'll be done by 12:50 at the latest.
my hair looks ok it's just a little bit lighter. i like it. it stained my pillowcase last night though. that kind of pissed me off.
i'm going to sleep now.
i used to waste my time dreaming of being alive
now i only waste it dreaming of you.
yes i'm emo. i quote fall out boy as my title and as the first line of my post. if you don't like it, too bad.
so not much to say. i cleaned my room today sorta. i'm getting a loft courtesy of greg. and i'm gonna buy myself a futon, which is also known in college-speak as a flip n fuck. not that i'm going to be doing any fucking...
melissa is dying my hair tonight. i'm not sure what color yet. hmmmm.... maybe the norm? maybe not?
i hate babies. more importantly, i hate baby showers. hence, saturday afternoon will suck.
more on life later.
so wear me like a locket around your throat | i'll weigh you down i'll watch you choke| you look so good in blue | you look so good in blue
blogs need love too
since i've been neglecting my blog, i'll give you all a quick update. nothing is new. some things kinda suck. some things are kinda good. it all evens out.
cool stuff:
1. a guy hydroplaned into the statue of liberty at the blackstone last night. the flag pole fell down onto a lady's car. the firetruck and two ambulances came.
2. i fucking hate working at hot topic.
3. i know there's something else but i can't remember.
so yeah. i'm off to write a paper now.
mmm sudafed
well it's official, i'm sick. i'm gonna spend my day napping until class and then rainbow alliance.
work is ok i guess except for the whole stading for hours on end thing. i'll get over it.
i'ma sleep now.
