just another day
tonight i need to sleep. but first, food and shopping with bradley. maybe afterwards we'll go loiter at our college.
i sleep in the dorm tomorrow.
work sucks. i forgot to make the deposit too. i have to do that tonight.
not much to say.
yummy
instant lunch is my new best friend. i'm too poor for anything else.49 cents of sodium-filled goodness.
time to go to work.
mmmm..... hippy music
todd snider was fucking awesome. i had such a great time. i want to be like him. hell, i would try very hard to be like him if i could play guitar and had no real ambition other than to entertain people.
who says kiddie cocktails are just for kids?
so here's the part where i brag to you all about my awesome boyfriend. guy is amazing. he's sweet and wonderful and doesn't care about what i've done before and i love him. hell, he even came to see todd snider with me, when i know it's not his type of music. yep. i love guy.
i think that about does it for me.
transvestites in de pere
so i just got back from the bagel shop, where i was waited on by a transvestite.
tonight is the todd snider concert. i am very excited to hear him sing "beer run" and possibly "conservative christian right-wing republican straight white american males".
guy's coming with me. that is, if his mother hasn't killed him for having hickeys on his neck yet.
i really want pizza. and a nap. and someone to do my housework for me.
more things to say
while i wait for my appliances, i will tell you about last night...
my dad decided that he would magically transform into willy loman for a few hours so we could go looking for furniture. this consisted of him exclaiming loudly about how "these aren't no deals" and name-dropping names that aren't important enough to get us any deals. then, he decided to bust out the asshole voice/expression, which consists of speaking loudly and slowly with a big, not-friendly-at-all smile upon his face. after that, he wanted to speak to the manager because he was too cheap to pay forty bucks to finance things he could've gotten very cheaply. then we went to get my mattress at another store, where he decided to use the asshole voice the entire time while i tried to interpret what he was saying in a nicer fashion. then he got mad at the saleslady because they don't offer free delivery anymore. he was going to use the "i demand to speak to the manager" tactic again until i volunteered to just go get the damn mattress myself. when we got out to the car, he called my aunt and begged her to go get the furniture, using excuses like, "i'm too busy" and "i'm not going to find anything that matches" (which is true,as anyone who's seen the inside of grandpa's house right now, but it's not like this is the best time to start caring about that).
then we came home and he had a few drinkies in the new extra-large glasses we bought and i think he had a little fun with the stuff from the closet too. then he sat catatonic on the front porch while i worked on my room. then there were a few incoherent lectures on money, sex, cars, college, and when he was young, and then we went home.
but wait! i almost forgot the best part! after a few of his drinkies, he remembered that we had to find the gas valve in the basement for when the men come with the dryer so they can hook it up. he had me sit upstairs and told me to yell when i smelled gas. does this sound like a good plan to you? then i said i had to go to the bathroom and he should wait for me to finish before continuing with the search. after i finished washing my hands, it sounded like water was still running. all of the sudden, dad comes running upstairs, yells, "shit! i found it!" and runs back downstairs. he yells up for me to turn on all the fans. my idiot father turned on the gas at full balst and left if on for a minute. we had to leave all the window open and fans on overnight and it still smelled this morning.
if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all
well today has been very little fun. i went shopping and didn't let myself get anything except a quilt, curtains, and bungees. i am going to return the bungees as i didn't need them.
i have a bed now. and a closet door. in the next three hours or so i'm going to have a washer/dryer too.
i have to go shopping with my aunt tonight. we're buying grandpa new furniture to replace the stuff my dad and i took. it shall be fun. last night, my dad tried to go but it was difficult as he is an asshole to salespeople and cheap too. so i'm just going to go wtih my aunt. i'm only a little pissed that this means staying in two nights in a row.
I'M GOING TO TODD SNIDER TOMORROW NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
%^**&(^%&^$%&^^&(*(*U)%#$###@
so i'm freaking out about a lot of things right now. and i am going to talk about right here on my blog. if you don't want to read about it, don't. i am giving you fair warning.
i tried talking to greg thinking he'd understand but he's being stupid so i guess that was a mistake. i'm scared about college. really scared. i'm terrified of failure. i'm going to move into a tiny room with a girl i don't know and start classes in god knows what because i don't even know what i want to do but i am supposed to have that all figured out already and i'm only 18 years old. all my old friends seem to have disappeared, not that i don't love and appreciate my new ones but they haven't been with me the way people like claire and dylan have. half of me just wants to go back to a year ago when i was sure of who i was and where i was going because somewhere along the way i lost that. everyone's gone and i don't even know where i am right now. my head is spinning. i don't know who to talk to about this so i'm putting it on the internet where millions of anonymous people have access to it and the friends who read it can tell me to stop bitching if they choose to.
it seems so strange to me that i have become a completely different person in the course of one year. i dont know if its for the better or not yet, but it definately is bizarre. i certainly like some of the new things, but i really miss some of the old too. it even seems like i'm different than i was a month ago. i don't know anymore.
bay beach and other things
itook my brothers to bay beach today. the only good thing to come of it was cotton candy. i still haven't gotten anything done here. oh well. i'm staying in tonight, so maybe i'll get something done.
i miss my friends. i see the same people every night, and although i truly enjoy spending time with them, it's wierd not seeing dylan and claire and michael and mick and bradley and the people i used to spend time with.
college is exactly one month away. i'm fucking terrified. i got my loan, so i am going, but i'm afraid i'm not going to do well or anything. i'm really going to miss my friends from high school. bradley is coming with, which is nice, but what the hell am i going to do without michael in every class?
blah
so i haven't done jack shit today. i saw a movie but i didn't think it was all that great. some parts were funny, but a lot of it was kind of slow. i went looking for furniture but i couldn't find anything.
i keep trying to get the energy to do housework but i'm damn lazy.
i have to get something done.
lamp
jonny.... why in the world would i cheat on your homie? he's the only guy who's ever watched sick porn with me.
i'm hungry. maybe i'll sneak a pineapple upside down cake into the movie theatre.
trevors coming with me to do my errands and then we're going to see wedding crashers.
i wanna go camping.
that's it for me. i'm off to scrub my mind with soap to erase the image of a man with a dildo up his pisshole.
hotter than the hinges on the gates of hell
it's soooooooo hot
i'm at the apartment posting from jon's computer. and there's nothing going on except probably bad things because they are all outside i think while i'm in here.
guy's making me listen to disturbed. bastard.
so i'm taking my brother charlie to the pool on tuesday and wednesday we're getting our new appliances. the fat hitler at sear's helped us. i almost laughed at him. i hope to go to see wedding crashers with trevor either tomorrow or thursday. thursday night i'm going to see todd snider!!!!!!!!
i think i'm going to see what's going on in the world now.
don't hold your breath
because you'll only make things worse.
but so far, all is good. i hope. as far as i know. and as we've established, i don't know anything.
i have one thing left to do at work. then i'm absolutely bored for the next two and a half hours. oh well. i just need to get more books.
outta my one-track mind
so i am the queen of fucking up.
this time i fucked up badly. guy says he's over it, but i'm not. i upset him because i'm too fucking horny and too fucking impatient. sometimes i'm just really fucking stupid. Wow. i can't believe what i did or how i did it. i'm a fucking bitch. i never meant to hurt him or piss him off and i did it anyways. i care for him, and once again i have managed to be a bitch and ruin another relationship. two nights in a row now i've come home in tears and it's been all my fault.
boy did i fuck up royally this time.
work
i am posting from work. there is not much for me to do, so i am online. i really hope dr. w won't get mad, but molly left the password and told me to go online if i got bored, so here i am online. things are slow. i finished the schedule for tomorrow and took out the mail. i did almost all of the filing but i'm trying to save some for tomorrow. i scored a test and now i have nothing to do. wow, isn't my day exciting?
i have peanut butter on cheese crackers and it makes me happy.
i think my dad figured out that if i don't take a break from thinking about not being able to afford college, i'll go insane. but i still have to do the loan crap with him this weekend.
not much to say.
good news blues
I think I'm better now. I have taco dip and Todd Snider CDs. I still feel a little fragile and such, but that's nothing new.
And now a short explanation to Alex and anyone else who reads this: anxiety attacks are fairly normal for me. It's been overa month since my last one, which may be my longest streak to date. They piss me off a lot and I'm pretty embarassed everytime I get one because they usually happen when I'm with people. In facvt, mine started at the apartment last night. I apologize to anyone who has to put up with me during an anxiety attack and anyone who's dealt with my bitchiness in the past few days because I should have been better about recognizing what was going on and getting away from people before it became a situation, but I didn't so I was a bitch.
Well, I have to go now and prepare or round three of the white trash screaming match. Maybe I'll go out and see people tonight. Call if you get bored.
i like sitting around
i am having an anxiety attack. and i got bitched at again. so not only am i a stupid fucking cunt, i am also a stupid asshole. isn't it cool?
i need sleep. and a hug.
holy shit
so i'm freaking about a lot of things today. but first, the really big one....
I CAN'T AFFORD TO GO TO COLLEGE. I was just denied a second loan. I think I may have to live at homeor not go to college for a year. This isn't good and honestyI'm scared shitless taht I won't be able to go to school at all. Whatam I going to do? I can't just not go to school. Its too late to apply elsewhere and I told Milwaukee i'm not going there. I'm completely fucked. I have to go to college. I'm not suitable for any job. I need college. I want to study. How the hell am I supposed to fix this mess?
I am supposed to hang out with Greg on Saturday. When we spoke the other day, he was feeding me lines about how he's lonely and all this shit so I felt the need to bring up Guy. I then told Guy about the conversation and he was OK with it, but when I told him about seeing Greg on Saturdy, hesaid something about how he doesn't trust Greg so he's coming with. Yes, this will be a good time.
oh man, i have to work later and i just feel like going home and hiding under the covers. I t wont make eveything go away, but I can pretend.
fuck college
st. norbert is driving me insane. they told my dad the wrong sit to go to for extra loans and then i got an applicaiton from the bank but its for a stafford loan, which i already have. i'm going fucking insane.
the movie was good but now i get to have a happy anxiety attack.
i hate this.
call me a safe bet
i'm betting you're not (i know i put in here wrong, but i'm pretty sure i did it on purpose)
so guy loves me more than he loves the hookah........is it sad that this is possibly the sweetest thing any boy has ever said to me?
in other news, i'm as horny as kansas in aaauuuuugggguuussst.
i love lamp. i love lamp. i love lamp. i love lamp. i love lamp.
i'm going to charley and the chocolate factory today.
i'm going to todd snider next thursday and i'm making guy go with.
i'm going to shut up now.
ouchies
my tummy hurts.
i woke up late. and now i'm sitting online instead of moving shit like i'm supposed to. yep, i'm good.
i have to work today from 3 until 8 or 9. i work thursday nights, friday nights, and saturdays all day. this is the same schedule i've had since may. is it that difficult to comprehend?
i miss having a life where i could hang out with friends during the day. right now i seem to have a routine down: wake up, do work (maybe go to work) and then go to the apartment. then i either sit around with everyone or spend a lot of time with guy. then i go home only to do it all over again the next day. it would be cool to stay for rifts but there's no point as i need to leave 20 minutes into every campaign. i wish i could stay up all night and sleep all day, but i can't. and i'm not going to take no-doz and stay up all night and all the next day to get things done. if it works for you, cool, but it doesn't work for me.
well, i'm going to go do a buttload of work for my family. i'll probably see everyone who reads this tonight.
i think i ate your chocolate squirrel
we watched anchorman last night. i think i've officially seen it 20 times.
i'm very excited for tonight. i am taking guy to get gyros at the golden basket because they have good gyros and he'd never been there. i'm hungry just thinking about it.
todd snider is playing july 28 at the meyer theatre. i'm so excited. also, i might have to make a trip to see little shop of horrors at the pac this weekend. hmmm..... i can't wait to hear todd snider live.
i think that's about all the excitement for today. i'll go now.
this is cool
so i just figured something out. it's pretty old and really shouldn't be worried about anymore, but still. it pisses me off. i was fucked with again by someone i cared about. awesome. maybe i'll become a nun.
fuck you.
sensenbrenner 211 here i come...
so i talked to tracy for like 2 minutes yesterday and now i'm really excited for college. i miss tracy. it pains me to admit it, but i miss the caf too. more for being on campus than work. i was worried about going to snc, and i know i still should be but i'm not. i'll just work my ass off and try to have a little fun too. if i can avoid the like 30 people who already hate me there, it'll be a bonus.
hmmm.... so i think i figured out what i was lacking and i think spending two hours in the closet (literally. but it's a big closet) at mike and tia's chillin' with guy cured it. and i got to stargaze when we drove into the boonies and saw the blood-red moon. i like guy. that's all i'll say about that.
it's really hot and i don't handle heat well. sorry for the bitchiness lately. not that it's all that unusual or anything. but i know it's been worse lately, and i apologize for it.
so greg's talking to me and i'm wondering what he wants. and alex was talking to me but he disappeared. i talked to manda yesterday and i'm worried about her. i wish she was here. if manda was here, we'd get ice cream and i'd make her feel better.
starshine
tonight i want to sit outside and look at the stars and contemplate them with someone. Will anyone sit out and look at stars with me? ...... didn't think so.
meh. i feel like i'm wanting something but i don't know what it is. not food or anything but i don't know what.
i'll figure it out eventually.
i feel fat and bloated and disgusting.
i just wanna go out and stargaze a little. no talking necessary. just some company and some stars.
not cool
i had really weird dreams all night so i didn't sleep very well. i'm tired and cranky. my allergies are driving me nuts and all i want is some damned chinese food. there's no one to hang out with and i should really spend my day working on the house.
last night was pretty cool. i brought dylan over to the apartment. it was really nice to see dylan again and it was extra-super nice to see him interacting with my friends (esp. guy) in a positive manner. we left fairly early and found out that mcdonald's is not open 24 hours like it said it would be.
everything today is throughly modern
i found my throughly modern millie cd when i cleanedf some of my room.
damn i'm hungry.
and i have mrs. robinson stuck in my head.
i talked to dylan today. it was kind of nice seeing as he's been a hermit for like two weeks now.
i need to do something. i got twelve hours of sleep last night. i need to move around a little.
good day
today is a day that is slightly good even though it should be unpleasant. i have spent the whole day painting and will spend the whole night painting too. oh well. i want to move in soon, but it doesn't really look like that's going to happen because once again, i did work all day and dad went to the bar. sam hasn't done jack shit and i'm about to kill him. dad did the ceiling in the living room yesterday, but i did the living room today (including taping and other prep work that he didn't do). i'm tired but i don't care.
in other news, last night was pretty fun. i made out with guy. a lot. while jonny sat next to us and said nasty things.and then eric (sp?) came in but we didn't notice. he seem like an ok fellow when he speaks. tia started her new job at wal mart, yay tia!
*****confidential to guy: stop being so sexy! and....i miss you.
maybe i should hate you for this
i'm tired and crabby because i just am. i'll be fine later, but right now i wish everyone who has pissed me off in the past few days would die.
last night was sucky until i got done wiht work. work lasted an hour longer than it should have. then i ent and hung out iwth people. we played rifts until i neerded to go home.
ignore the typos. i'm not fixingt hem.
i have things i should do, but i'm not going to because it's time for dad and sam to do some goddamned work on that house. i'm going shopping instead.
emma's helpful household hints
today's post is all about the products i am using at the new house. mr. clean magic erase sponges clean walls very well. rubbermaid edgers don't work for shit. apricot scrub does work to get paint of bodies, but paint thinner is needed to get paint out of hair. if you paint, buy lots and lots of rollers and brushes because cleaning them is a bitch. never underestimate the power of a good carpet deodorizer.
i think that's it.
i'm sooo tired. i'm waiting until noon to call my friend michael and then i'm going back to finish the orange in my room and vaccuum my room. later i want to go to imports plus and buy lamps for my room because i can't turn the regular light on without blinding myself.
now i'm done.
"we could get some paint and huff it"
so i spent all day so far painting my tiny bedroom..... wow.
do you think apricot scrub will get paint off my body? my arms and legs are pretty orange and white spots right now.
i need fooooooooooood. and a shower.
i don't know why you say goodbye i say....
hello hello to terry2000, aka guy.
so i am going to the fireworks today. with my family. i don't want to.
i was supposed to go dancing last night. sorry everybody. i had a headache and danceingwould've been a bad idea. i wen to the new house and did a little work instead. i also went to sleep at like 10:30, so i'm ready for today. and i went to wal mart to buy a collared shirt for today.
the whole family descended upon the new house yesterday. they approve, which is hard for them to do, so i guess we got a good house. i have the paint all ready for tomorrow. i might even go over in a few minutes and paint a layer of white over the blue on my ceiling. i got most of the family room prepped for painting too. sam's room can wait.
i think i got the dylan kid sick. sorry dylan. didn't mean to give you my icky flu-ish cold thingy. if it makes you feel better, you'll be fine by tomorrow.
claire.... call me tomorrow. i'll be painting my house, but if you come over, i'll give you the grand tour. and we'll have paint, so maybe we can huff it (kidding, paint just reminds me of drew--"we could get some paint and huff it").
i really hate bellin family reunion time. i can't stand most of my relatives except for yvonne's family, and of them, 2 have skipped out on everything so far and 1 just came up yesterday. but yvonne and jimmy have been there so i guess it's ok. last night we had icky chicken at the swan club. eeeeew. by the time we go to the kneecaps, i had a migraine and was too sick to eat one. for the uninformed, kneecaps are superfried doughnuts dipped in powdered sugar and topped with whipped cream. yummy.
i've bored you all enough for one day.
i'm a filthy hippie
i went to goodwill last night with guy. neither of us got what we actually needed. we did , however, purchase filthy hippie pullovers from Mexico. being a filthy hippie is fun.
trevor: my new house is super sweet and you'll know why it's so cool when i show it to you. the closets are big enough for christi and patrick to sit in one of them. guy and carolyn both fit int he linen closet (seperately, not together).
in other news, basektball is a funny movie. however, the funniest thing i saw last night was adrunken jonny. he and i had a nice phone conversation after i dropped guy off. oh yes, good times.
in other other news, it's bellin family reunion weekend. please, someone save me? call my phone and talk to me or something. don't leave me alone with the crazies. seriously, my family is so conservative that i look like a radical to them. i can't take this. i already went to lunch with them and that was more than enough family time for me.
in other othe r other news, the bastards at st. norbert college but me in sensenbrenner, the all-girls dorm.
oh, and i guess i'm dating someone now, at the insistence ofa roomful of people who bullied guy into asking me.
batman! (and the theme song to go with it)
so last night guy jonny and i found a bat on alex's driveway. i found out i'm afraid of bats. so guy and i sat in my car and the others abandoned us. we went to find them and were shouted at by a drunken man in a vehicle. then we went to a different park to look for them and were sorta chased by a creepy dude in a poncho. then we found them and sat on the corner. after that, it was time to kneecap gutterpunks. then alex and mrs. brunette took joe home and guy and jonny and i sat in the basement until mr. brunette yelled. then i took guy home. i got home abut 2:30. oops.
that is my story of the day.
i am supposed to be hanging out with christi later, if she doesn't decide to go kill andrew first.
