*****

more things to say

while i wait for my appliances, i will tell you about last night...

my dad decided that he would magically transform into willy loman for a few hours so we could go looking for furniture. this consisted of him exclaiming loudly about how "these aren't no deals" and name-dropping names that aren't important enough to get us any deals. then, he decided to bust out the asshole voice/expression, which consists of speaking loudly and slowly with a big, not-friendly-at-all smile upon his face. after that, he wanted to speak to the manager because he was too cheap to pay forty bucks to finance things he could've gotten very cheaply. then we went to get my mattress at another store, where he decided to use the asshole voice the entire time while i tried to interpret what he was saying in a nicer fashion. then he got mad at the saleslady because they don't offer free delivery anymore. he was going to use the "i demand to speak to the manager" tactic again until i volunteered to just go get the damn mattress myself. when we got out to the car, he called my aunt and begged her to go get the furniture, using excuses like, "i'm too busy" and "i'm not going to find anything that matches" (which is true,as anyone who's seen the inside of grandpa's house right now, but it's not like this is the best time to start caring about that).

then we came home and he had a few drinkies in the new extra-large glasses we bought and i think he had a little fun with the stuff from the closet too. then he sat catatonic on the front porch while i worked on my room. then there were a few incoherent lectures on money, sex, cars, college, and when he was young, and then we went home.


but wait! i almost forgot the best part! after a few of his drinkies, he remembered that we had to find the gas valve in the basement for when the men come with the dryer so they can hook it up. he had me sit upstairs and told me to yell when i smelled gas. does this sound like a good plan to you? then i said i had to go to the bathroom and he should wait for me to finish before continuing with the search. after i finished washing my hands, it sounded like water was still running. all of the sudden, dad comes running upstairs, yells, "shit! i found it!" and runs back downstairs. he yells up for me to turn on all the fans. my idiot father turned on the gas at full balst and left if on for a minute. we had to leave all the window open and fans on overnight and it still smelled this morning.

posted by emma @ 3:09 PM