*****

it's gonna be one of those nights...

again, my head hurts. again, i just want someone to lie (lay? i'm a little rusty on the grammar) next to me and snuggle. it's cold and dark and a movie is on. i just want to share it with someone. but i really think it's about time that i give up on that wish.

love is a disappointment. honestly, if you've dated me, you may not want to read on. a lot of times i feel like i find someone and it's great for a while, and then something happens. usually it's a me thing, like with greg; it was my fault. i am hard to handle. i can understand that. sometimes, it's not my fault. and it hurts a little more when it's not. really i wish i could just find someone who isn't going to be an ass or emotionally distant or just want a quick fuck. everytime i think i've found that person, he does something dumb. like not picking up his goddamned cell phone cuz he's too busy getting high. it's really disappointing and really hurtful. and it still hurts a little. but what can you do? life goes on and i will live to spend another night (or a thousand) alone in my bed. until i find that person who is willing to put up with my moods and be there for me when i need them, i'm going to be alone and i'll just have to like it.

i'm tired and a little sick and feeling really isolated. all i can say is i won't apologize for how i feel ever again. and i won't compromise. so this is how it's gonna be. i'm sick of feeling like this. really, someone just make it stop? wave a magic wand or something? anyone? anyone?

......

i didn't think so.

posted by emma @ 12:38 AM