hmmmm.....
I guess it's all my fault. It's my fault that his friends have a problem with me. It's my fault that he drinks a lot and has nothing better to talk about. It's my fault that he makes out with other girls. Wow. As you can see, I learned a lot today. I'm a bad person for wanting a relationship. Apparantly, I only wanted Paul because I wanted a boyfriend. In addition to this, i'm a bad person because I don't drink or smoke. And I'm not supposed to want to have an actual conversation with him at any time, because he's too busy for me and I should understand that. I'm speechless.
"Emo isn't an excuse to be a selfish prick."
fuck this shit
so just when everything seems better, shit goes to hell again.
every english teacher who knows my name is giving me hell about not doing well in creative writing. first of all, my grades aren't anyone's business but mine. second, i don't give a shit. i want out, and that's all there is to it. i'll do enough to pass, but don't expect much more out of me. it's time to move on and get the hell out of here.
my dad took me with him to buy a one-hitter. last i checked, this wasn't an appropriate father-daughter activity.
i can't go out tonight because i have too much homework.
fuck this.
the worst is over
i didn't really like cursive at first, but cale has converted me.
so i just got killed by the fafsa. i think i have arthritis in my hand, on a completely unrelated note.
yeah. stuff is getting better. i'm beginning to feel like a person again and all that.
we just got our senior tshirts today. i was really excited. now, i'm just a little scared. i'm happy to be leaving, but i'm afraid of what lies ahead too. i've been looking forward to graduation for years now, so i don't know what's wrong with me.
chili con carne con carne
so we're singing a song about chili con carne and it's stuck in my head.
i suppose it's time for a new york is wonderful- type post, so here goes:
Steven is really dumb. He pushed the fire button and trapped like three hundred people in the lobby of our hotel at two in the morning. We laughed.
i bought way too much stuff, but i did get really cool things. i'm so excited for senior ball now that i have a beautiful dress to wear. and i am now the proud owner of a swatch watch.
heaven is 42nd street. i got good pizza, broadway shows, awesome hippie clothes, and a fabulous hotel all in about five blocks or so.
the people were a lot nicer than expected, and every guy was hot. yay for cute guys!
ok that's enough.
so cale and i talked for a long time last night. i miss him a lot. we get along so well and i can tell him anything. i wish he was up here. i've never met anyone before who understood me so well. the best part is, i get him too. we can talk for hours and it's cool. i really miss actually being able to see him and hang out with him. when we were freshmen, we would spend five hours on the phone just talking about everything we could think of. i miss that the most. he might come for my birthday, but i doubt it.
people are beginning to scare me hardcore, but i want this to be a positive post about happy things, so i'm gonna stop now.
chili con carne!
stay 18 forever?
that song confuses me. if this is all i have to look forward to.... damn.
so i found a tshirt that says "i'm not with stupid anymore." i want it. paul and i broke up last night. i'm very angry with him for a variety of reasons, the cheif one being that he didn't bother to say how he felt. ever. in fact, i didn't want to date him as much as i wanted to know where i stood with him. then he asked me out because that's what he thought i wanted. so the past few weeks have been miserable because of his pretending to be happy with me and my still being frustrated with the situation. and then it's all my fault because, heaven forbid, i want a relationship with someone. fuck this shit.
college..... grrrrrr. i give up. i don't know where i'm going or what i'm doing and that scares me but doesn't worry me. ? i don't even make sense anymore.
on happier notes.....
NEW YORK IS FUCKIN' AWESOME! I sang Mozart's Requiem at Carnegie Hall! New York. The name itself is music. I love it there. I can't even find a more eloquent way to put it.
well, that does it for me.
