Bored and lonely
I hate sitting around on my ass doing nothing, especially when I've just had a crappy week and I have pretty new clothes to show off (to no one in particular, as I am a loser without anyone to be with). Amanda is off with her boyfriend for their 2 year anniversary and Paul is probably off fucking Sara (which bothers me because tuesday night he almost fucked
me and now he's got a new girlfriend who is younger than I am and probably better-looking and more interesting with her video game obsession). I've sucessfully burned every other bridge except the one that connects me to Andrew, but I can't exactly start calling him when I get lonely considering I dumped him less than a week ago.
I'm really not looking forward to tomorrow. Tomorrow, I have to go to Drew's for his 19th birthday party. Not only am I not fond of parties, I'm not fond of anything that involves me, Paul, and Andrew together. This is made even worse by the fact that everyone has heard about my, ahem, indiscretions. Yay for being stupid enought to fuck things up so badly without even meaning to!
An open letter to the meat department at Austin's foods;
To the part-time high-school butchers at Austin's foods:
The meat is located underneath the counter, not in front of it.
I was feeling better about myself until a gigantic, pimply sophmore undressed me with his eyes while taking my order. Disgusting pig.
a hard day's night
I really feel like watching a movie and eating chinese take-out all day, but there's no one to do anything with. I can't call Paul because he's still asleep. Drew didn't pick up when I called him earlier. Amanda's at work. I'm lonely.
Instead of watching a movie, I think I'll go buy myself new chucks. Yellow chucks would make me happy. Simple things like new underwear or new chucks always make me happy. I hate myself.
I talked to Cale last night, which was super-fantastic. I miss him. He used to live fifteen minutes away. Now, he lives like four hours away. Hmmm.... I think I should plan a road trip.
Last night, Paul called at 12:09 to tell me the story he told Drew about us. I had to listen to the voicemail, call him and have him repeat it, and then listen to the voicemail again this morning. I think I've got the story down now. Instead of almost fucking like rabbits, we kissed once, went "oh shit" and never kissed again. I used to love Drew. I once told him I'd never lie to him. I guess that was a lie in light of recent events.
I miss having someone to say goodnight to. I miss having someone to cuddle with and make out with. I am incredibly relieved that I don't have to be with someone right now, but it sucks that I'm alone. Oh well. That'll change eventually. I hope Paul's roomate at St. Norbert is hot. That would cheer me up.
I think I'm done now.
i feel better... kinda...
Drew reassures me that it's ok and Paul and I are still friends.
Matt took me for ice cream and Amanda and I are going out tonight, so life doesn't suck so much.
yay for fucking up everything twice in one week!
I hate myself today. I have managed to break a guy's heart for the second time this week. I broke up with Drew on monday. He just found out that I almost had sex with his best friend two nights ago. Yet he still says he loves me, which in turn breaks my heart because right now I feel like a gigantic monster. I also kissed his best friend sunday night before I even broke up with him.
What sort of person does this? Am I really that horrible? I never in a year considered cheating on Drew, but suddenly, I'm all over Paul. Good God. I hate myself.
Now I've managed make Paul even more fucked up than he already was. I may have ruined his chances with a girl he really likes. I've also made him feel he needs to lie to his best friend. I made him feel guilty and horrible about himself.
I am a bitch. Only a terrible person would do this to two people they care deeply about. I have mananged to fuck up a great friendship over a bad bout of rebound lust. In the process, I also hurt someone I once loved.
Today is not a good day.
