things
so jan is out of the office at least until january first, which means i get to do the work of 2 people. molly told me she's quitting and it's only a matter of time, which means that i very well may have the work of 3 people to do, most of which i don't know anything about. on top of that, i'm now working an extra 15 hours a week here doing claims denial resolutions and only that, which means i can't answer phones or be of help to anyone else during that time, and it can't take away from my regular job(s). tonight, after being here for nearly ten and a half hours, i have to clean my apartment, becuase it becomes really really gross if i let things go for even a day, and i haven't cleaned since joshie was over last week, which was a really fucking good time. ryan came over and we watched evil bong for like 15 minutes, and then switched it to nacho libre, which i don't really remember a whole lot of. i passed out (or fell asleep, whichever way you want to look at it) 5 minutes into accepted. then i sat on my ass until tuesday, which was my first day back to work after thanksgiving. all in all, a good break. however, when i got back here, things were about 10 times more frantic and confusing than before. and now i can't really get a new job because i can't pass a piss test (however, i don't regret the events that led to this situation, cuz they were tons of fun).
i'm ready to go home, but i think i still have at least a half hour to go.
this must change.
prove to me that you actually give a shit.
please?
give me some reason to believe that you are actually trying. everytime i call (and you never call me, so that would be everyday), all you do is sleep or drink with your friends. prove to me that this is a fair, equal relationship when i have to take sidejobs to pay the bills and you haven't given me five fucking dollars of gas money since we got back together (and i know you have it cuz you waste it on stupid shit like cigarettes, mcdonald's, and gwar shirts you don't even like). please for the love of god make me feel like getting up at 6 am to haul your ass to school is worth it. show (not tell) me that you want a job and you are getting your grades up so you can.
prove to me that you're not a child anymore and that you're over this "i wanna never have responsibility" bullshit. i need proof. i'm really losing patience here and i'm extremely resentful of the fact that you call high school a reason to be tired when i spend my time scrambling to make ends meet.
case in point: i spend all weekend walking my ass around kaukauna so that i can pay one bill. you spend all weekend sleeping and drinking and maybe raking leaves for your mother for an hour.
emma's typical day: get up at 6:30 and drive guy to school. Look for a second job. go to my regular job for 10 hours. pick guy up. spend money on coffee for self and guy. take guy home.
guy's typical day: get up at 6:30. get driven to school. sit there until 3:00. go home and sleep. get picked up by emma or go to friend's house and drink until 12:00 or 1:00. sleep.
i see a problem with this. the worst thing about it is it hasn't changed in a fucking year, even though you've promised it would multiple times.
friday night
for me, fridays always just mean work gets harder. people cut out early, so i'm stuck here working my ass off alone for longer, i have a really hard time focusing, and i stay here till 8 and then have to be back by 8 in the morning. this weekend, not only do i get to be here until 8 tonight, but i need to be back in the morning and then leave here by 10 so i can go walk around and tell people to vote for 10 hours. i'm getting paid to do that saturday, sunday, monday, and tuesday, which i great cuz i need the money badly. i'm so broke it's not even funny and i'm getting sick of it. i need to make a resume sunday monrning so i can get a real job that doesn't involve working at a shitty small office for nine bucks an hour (they've never given me a raise, even though it's been promised to me for a year now) and no benefits whatsoever (if i get sick for a day, i have to work 12 hour days the rest of the week to make up for it). i prettymuch have no marketable skills other than the ability to handle clients effectively by phone and learn shit quickly, so finding a job should be a grand adventure. i want to go back to school in the near future, however, this isn't financial feasable at this time, which pisses me off because it sould be for all the work i'm doing i should be compensated more fairly. i do more work than the office admin's mom, but i get paid 4 dollars an hour less to do it. i give up.
i'm sick and crabby. i wanna go home and see my kitties and go to bed.
