in the ghetto....
well some new things to report.... i'm tired and my nose is runny and i can't tell if it's actual illness or just a psychosomatic thing. probably a little bit of both, but it's near time for my allergies to end for the season. i've been keeping busy with work, which caused my third accident this past weekend (the first one that's actually been my fault) and now i have an insurance company on my ass for a bunch of money for bogus damages that arent from the accident condsidering i was going about five miles an hour when i hit the guy. and i got a ticket, so now i'm more broke than i've ever been in my entire life and the cat (munchkin- boomer has to wait) needs to be fixed and the apartment needs to be cleaned but i'm too busy working and hauling vic's shit to his new apartment, which is even farther into ghetto-land than where he lives now. and it means i can't walk to his place anymore, which makes me sad.
on the upside, i've worn my sunshine yellow chuck taylor lowtops for 8 days in a row (at least part of the day if not all day). they're kickass (thanks guy for another one of your amazingly inspired presents).
umm... well... i had a fight with victor about a week ago about my being #2 to a plant and his being massively jealous about a friendship i have. we yelled and got angry and got over it i think but i'm pretty sure we'll have a repeat in two months or so. and i just spilled cran-apple zinger on my desk. shit.
well i think that's it from emma land. i promise i'll be more regular with the posting if a certain someone continues to post on his.
i'm not even supposed to be here today
yes, that's right, it's supposed to be my day "off" (as in only here for 5 hours instead of 10) and all kinds of drama unfolds. most of which will be blamed on me, although molly was the instigator and i had nothing to do with the crazy bitch who started it. the problem is that said crazy bitch has had problems with me in the past. in fact, i'm 90% positive that i'm going to lose my job over this. how do i know? when molly and jerry talked about it, jerry said, "and you know what the really sad thing is..." looked at me, and pushed molly out into the hallway to finish the sentence. i'm pretty sure my job is down the crapper. fuck.
i don't need the work as much as you need the work done
i'm applying at humana. which means i can't smoke pot in case of a piss test. my boyfriend loves weed and doesn't love me. could this be bad? yes, i do believe it could be. i like victor. he's a nice guy. this fucking always looking for a bag bullshit is getting a little old. he's 20 and all he wants to do is smoke up and skateboard, which is fine if you have absolutely no concerns about things like jobs, bills, apartments, etc., but some of us do (some of us= me). this wasn't a part of the deal. we're not even that serious or anything and all this is turning in to is work for me. it's like having a part time job named victor. sure, it's a fun job sometimes, but a job nonetheless. a job i don't even get paid for. a job that espouses about the "totally natural high" that mushrooms give "cuz if we were cavemen, we wouldn't be smoking weed, we'd be eating shrooms." (i didn't make those quotes up). add in the guy drama and it's just too much. vic has no right to be an ass about guy when i'm playing second fiddle to a plant. there are so many great things about him taht i feel bad even bitching about this one thing, but it's becoming a big problem for me that he's all excited cuz now that he has some green, he has "something to look forward to after work" (again, no shit he said that). not that he could look forward to just chilling with me or anything. he absolutely has to have marijuana in his life. it's fucking ridiculous. he's a grown man and he acts like weed is a security blanket. and i don't love him. it's a fact. i just don't right now; we haven't been together very long and it just hasn't happened yet. so why in the fuck am i wasting my time on someone who i don't love? i don't know. i really don't. at least he has a job and makes his own money and lives on his own and is semi-responsible about bills and shit and seems to like me and doesn't need me so desperately that i feel stifled. but at least when i was stifled, i was in love and loved in return; there was never any question of that. it's all a tradeoff i guess; i just feel like i traded very poorly. oh well. it's my fault kind of but not really entirely. but i did choose to see vic so i should choose to do somehting about seeing him. i don't even make sense anymore.
i give up. i'm going to buy the new todd snider cd tonight (by the way, the title of this post is from one of his new songs) and maybe go see talladega nights too. it's a fucking friday and i deserve to have fun even if i do have to work at 9 fuckin am tomorrow.
hi there!
that is the phrase i have heard all day from ed, the evil macaw. she just learned how to say it, so she's been repeating it for hours on end. work is pretty dull. there's the usual suzette drama, but other than that, i'm killin' time till later when i think i get to see victor if i don't fall asleep first.
so i really wish i had something useful or interesting to talk about here, but i don't. sorry.
