*****

a little too close to the edge...

i'm snapping. i honestly can't do this right now. i'm gonna get some ice cream and go sleep. or something.

i'm not perfect. let me just tell everyone who cares to read this that i know that i'm not perfect. i'm messy, oversensitive, bitchy, disorganized, poorly dressed, forgetful, and reluctant to do anything requiring actual decision making/work. i'm not perfect and even pretending to try to change my ways is impossible. most of the time i rather like who i am. except when i am in the company of my family.

my family has this certain way of making me into a bad person. no matter what i do or say, i am wrong. being a liberal is a bad thing around here. i'm wrong for even thinking that i could possibly in the course of my life do good things and make a good life for myself as i am now. as my father has said more than once "i will make some man very unhappy someday". i'm a whore and i neglect my duties to the family. i'm selfish and bad with money. everything is my fault.

what everyone seems to forget here is that i'm actually a nice person. someday i will be a fuctioning member of adult society. this is not my job now; i am 18 years old and still have a lot of maturing to do. however, compared to most people my age, i am fairly mature and capable of making good decisions. i don't blame them for my problems; i blame them for magnifying my problems to the point where i can't even deal with them anymore.

maybe when i get out of my house, the stress headaches will go away and my stomach won't be upset all the time. maybe i won't even feel like crying everytime someone says something to me. the fragile feeling i have all the time could even disappear. i could even start to feel human again.

posted by emma @ 7:06 PM