update
I'm just updating stuff.... Not much new is going on here. It's officially summer for me, so there will be much of the sitting around and doing nothing. I hung out with Claire and Dylan today. We celebrated our newfound freedom. I spent most of the weekend with Greg, which was nice. Well, most of it was nice. There were a few awkward moments at the mall and a strange minute or two at Claire's house, but it was OK for the most part.
Graduation was a bore, if i haven't mentioned that already. I spent most of it contemplating Dr. Tibaldo's comb-over. Then I left. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my diploma; it's sitting in a drawer.
Most of the next few days will be spent getting things in order for the big move. I'm going to start packing and cleaning my bedroom. Then I'll get my bicycle in working order. I've come to the conclusion that I just can't afford to drive anymore. I'll try to be lazy a little bit too. But mostly, I'll be packing. I'm kinda pissed that I'm moving and then going to college like a month later. I won't even have time to fully unpack.
I think that's all the new stuff that's going on for now... I'll probably update later when I think of things I forgot to mention.
friday
Friday is it. Graduation. I'm so excited!
This weekend is busy. So is next weekend. And the weekend after that. And after that. And after that. Cool, huh?
So Christi should be happy now cuz i posted.
I have to study for exams. I think. I'll do poorly on some no matter what. I don't care. I'm gonna pass everything.
Not much to say... I got a haircut and now it's really short. Too short, but whatever. It'll grow. That's about all my exciting news today
gratitude
So, in a contrast to the last post, I've decided to post some of the things i'm grateful for.
1.Blue moon ice cream (yummy)
2. my new job
3. greg. he puts up with so much of my shit and doesn't even complain. i love him.
4. claire. see above (but switch i love him to i love her in a cousin way-- sorry guys, no hot lesbian action)
5. dylan. same as greg, but love as in friendly love.
6. michael trevor christi christina jj bradley all my friends at school, and all my other friends cuz they're awesome.
7. only a few more days and i don't see half the people i hate ever again.
8. i get to wear a prom dress friday night toANight In Paris At A Black Tie Affair
9. i can be lazy soon.
10. we're leaving my house fora better one.
11. all this craziness is bound to scare off potential roommates.
12. i got money today
13. i pissed off people at mc donald's today.
14. i'm going to a good college and i got great scholarships.
15. it's almost summer
16. buffalo wings.
17. i haven't dealt with my mother in over a month
18. i'm legal
19. i get to road trip at least once this sumjmer... with dylan i think
20. i'm not poor.
21. i'm not hungry
22. i have a home with running water, heat, and electricity.
23. i have a dad who cares for me.
24. helljob is trevor's and not mine.
25. music. yes; music is good. i am grateful foir the music which makes me happy.
too much cheeriness.... ....heart exploding...
a little too close to the edge...
i'm snapping. i honestly can't do this right now. i'm gonna get some ice cream and go sleep. or something.
i'm not perfect. let me just tell everyone who cares to read this that i know that i'm not perfect. i'm messy, oversensitive, bitchy, disorganized, poorly dressed, forgetful, and reluctant to do anything requiring actual decision making/work. i'm not perfect and even pretending to try to change my ways is impossible. most of the time i rather like who i am. except when i am in the company of my family.
my family has this certain way of making me into a bad person. no matter what i do or say, i am wrong. being a liberal is a bad thing around here. i'm wrong for even thinking that i could possibly in the course of my life do good things and make a good life for myself as i am now. as my father has said more than once "i will make some man very unhappy someday". i'm a whore and i neglect my duties to the family. i'm selfish and bad with money. everything is my fault.
what everyone seems to forget here is that i'm actually a nice person. someday i will be a fuctioning member of adult society. this is not my job now; i am 18 years old and still have a lot of maturing to do. however, compared to most people my age, i am fairly mature and capable of making good decisions. i don't blame them for my problems; i blame them for magnifying my problems to the point where i can't even deal with them anymore.
maybe when i get out of my house, the stress headaches will go away and my stomach won't be upset all the time. maybe i won't even feel like crying everytime someone says something to me. the fragile feeling i have all the time could even disappear. i could even start to feel human again.
*giggles at lame joke* i'm not in kansas anymore
Actually, I was in Missouri. But Kansas City nonetheless.
Sooo Close to graduation.
Well, some of the highlights of my trip: Aunt Ellie sang along to Brand New and Alkaline Trio. Cousin Molly got tipsy and danced at the wedding (think Elaine on Seinfeld). There's a chain of gas stations called "Kum n Go". There was a guy on our floor in the hotel smoking the reefer and the smell got in the hallway. Jen got tipsy and started swinging her purse around. I saw a white guy speak Chinese. I saw little aisans doing the polka and the chicken dance. i bought perfume. there's a paraphenalia store called "it's a beautiful day". the wedding was lovely.
downsides: public restrooms, all family all the time (don't get me wrong I love them all, it just gets to be a bit much), loud drunken family members, lots of car time, sharing beds, living out of a suitcase, not always getting to do what i wanted.
I don't know where to put it: aunt ellie, aunt beth, and jen, in an apparent group effort to get us killed, got us lost in the slums. yes. five white women in a car with wisconsin plates lost on a dead end in the mexican slums. it was cool.
i hate wisconsin. kansas city is really cool. hell, almost anywhere is cooler than here. except iowa. and lower minnesota.
so fuck life
i guess i'll be paying for college myself then.
fuck you. fuck everything.
i just want to sleep.
i hate spongebob. fuck spongebob.
cake batter ice cream is my favorite.
work was boring. as usual. weird new guy was working. he kinda creeps me out.
sooooo... we have like 18 days of school left. yay! and i'm going to kansas on friday so it's like 17 for me!
i really did have something to say. promise.
well i'll just talk about my weekend then. i spent friday night with greg. saturday i took claire to breakfast and then i slept until noon. after that, i sat around and waited for claire to be done insulting lutherans. we went and spent money at hot topic. after hot topic, we drove around. when greg called, we waited for him for like 20 minutes, which meant we drove past the same high school party like 10 times. then we hung out at lee's. i fell asleep watching a pbs special. sunday, i sat around until greg was done with work. we went to coldstone and then sat around at lee's some more. then i came home and slept. damn. exciting, huh? well, i thought it was a good time. i really enjoy time spent with greg. and i had lots of fun hearing claire's weekend stories.
"i don't think he's ever sober. even when he's sober, i don't think he's really sober. think about that for a minute. i know i have to."- Timothy S. (whose last name i will not even try to spell) from my work.
oh i wish...
if tonight lasted forever, i think i would be happy.
so yeah. i'm really excited for next year. i don't know why, but i just feel better about going to St. Norbert. I think it's the whole i'm already familiar with the place thing. and as i've already said to mick, anyone who wants to bitch about me going to a school that i feel comfortable going to despite experiences i have had there can rot in hell. it looks like i'm living in burke, which is cool cuz i've spent some time there and my friend eric at work is living there too. i'm keeping my job in the caf next year. now i only have to devise a magnificent plan for getting rid of roommates and i'm set.
this weekend has been nice so far. i've spent a lot of time with claire and i saw greg twice already. he met my dad on friday night. they get along far too well. i'm scared. parents aren't supposed to like boyfriends. i won't complain; at least it means that i won't have to lie about spending time with him or anything.
and finally, my wish is for a car. all i want is a pile of shit on wheels that won't kill my budget with high gas bills. i want a car that i can drive without having to worry about my dad checking the mileage. i got bitched at today for driving last night. it's not fair to greg when i make him drive everywhere (especially considering he drives from oshkosh every weekend).
