chemicals are making my brain hurt
i dyed my hair about four hours ago, so my hair still reeks. it's almost all one color now, which is nice. i dyed it dark brown to match the remnants of the black dye from last september.
work sucked. i had to work the double shift because the other girl couldn't come in for the night shift. more money in my pocket i guess.i figured out what was wrong with the grades and the failing. mrs. johnson didn't enter a big project of mine into her computer.
i have a new cell phone. if you know the old number, call that and get the new number off the voicemail.
last night was cool. dylan and i hung out for a long time. we watched " a life less ordinary" and ate pizza and cuddled. i gave him a backrub too because he had a long day at work. it was really nice to feel warm and fuzzy about someone again. i'm still all fuzzy like. i drifted through work in a haze and i just feel happier than i have in a long time. it'll fade by tomorrow morning when i trudge through the snow to my doom.
i hate men
man what i would do to be a bitch like kate right now ("i hate men" is a song in kiss me kate).
boys are driving me nuts. all of them.
i'm sick of feeling wounded. i want to be a complete person again, and it's just not working. damnit, i still miss him and i'm going to for a long time. everything reminds me of him because he's been a part of almost everything for two years now. i've known him since my sophmore year. i miss telling him everything and hearing his crazy drunk stories (as much as i hate to admit it). i know mick is a great friend and substitute for paul in some ways and dylan is the coolest and we have a great connection, but i'm missing being part of a twosome and having someone to talk to before bed and laughing at in jokes and ..... everything.
i just wanna be whole again.
*this moment of weakness is never to be mentioned again*
my head is going to implode
Sooooooo stressed....... and sick.
I stayed home today because I'm not getting over this being ill stuff (and I almost puked three times). I'm sure I missed a lot of stuff, but I really don't care. I was going to do my projects for theatre arts today, but I couldn't get off the couch. Oh yes, this is wonderful.
It's really cold out, which makes me glad that I didn't leave or anything. It's one of those days that looks like spring is coming, but then you step outside and it's below zero. I just want green grass....
mmmmm..... candy hearts....
My valentine's plan is to eat an entire bag of candy hearts by myself because boys suck. I wasn't invited to a party because of Dani and I'm sitting at home cuz all my friends have SO s.
Work is the devil.
Not much else to say
"Tonight won't make a difference"
you're a touch overrated...
MMMMMM.... I <3 Taking Back Sunday
so i bought new earrings and ireally want to wear them but i can't for another week. grr.
i'm taking placement tests on april 9 at uwgb. eek. mini-act time!
i smell like syrup and my job sucks. i was supposed to get a very substantial raise on the occasion of my 18th birthday, but apparently they don't do that anymore. on top of this, a boy who has barely been working with me for a year is making as much as i am. i've been working there for two and a half years. this bites. i got called in this morning early because a girl didn't show up and then i almost had to stay through close because they weren't sure if she'd be back for second shift. i hate the caf.
she felt herself being ironed into a glossy mediocrity
and she rebelled
sometimes i really love sinclair lewis. other times, i really love kerouac.
most of all, i really hate boys.
yeah, so this guy i liked decided to be all over his ex and not bother to tell me where we stood first, but he feels bad so i'm supposed to forgive him. this sucks, as he is one of my best friends, and right now i'm slightly disappointed at the way things have worked out and angered his general spinelessness in not telling me that he'd rather be with his ex. instead, he's just going to climb all over her in front of me and hope i get it. great.
where'd the candy hearts go? i need to eat myself sick on them now.
mmmmmm...... rejection.
damn
i don't feel like doing any work. earlier, i tried to do my homework but was so dizzy i had to stop and lie down. i can only hear out of one ear. i give up
sooooo sick
actually, i'm getting better, but still.... i feel like shit. i especially feel shitty considering cale came to visit and i was too ill to be any fun. i miss that kid and it was the first time i'd seen him in like 2 years, and i was making friends with the tissue box. being sick especially sucks because it was my birthday weekend and i had some serious partying planned. damn. i'm finally 18, and i still haven't done anything fun.
so, my mom decided that she was going to throw a shit fit for my birthday. first she made a big stink about how old she feels. then, she got mad at me because i was too ill to visit her yesterday. the only reason i changed out of my pyjamas all weekend was cale's visit. yesterday, i saw him for a little while, and came home to pass out. when i found enough energy to get the telephone, i called her and apologized for being ill. she heard that i was sick, she heard my ill grandfather hacking in the background, but she still thougth i was lying and started screaming at my poor stepfather. she sent home a cake and my presents with sam, and when i called to thank her and apologize again, she didn't answer the phone. yay for psychos!
in other news, there's a guy i like. well, i've liked him for a long time (six years, give or take a few months). and i think he likes me too. we kissed on friday, and then he freaked out and worried that i would get all weird. i assured him that it was no big deal, but then all weekend he was really sweet to me. he got me blankets when i needed them without even asking and was all sweet and adorable. *sighs* i spend a lot of time with him and he's one of my best friends. it sort of feels like a relationship would be a natural progression, but i don't want to freak him out. he got really wierded out by the kiss and started freaking out in my car on the way to the show friday. oh well. whatever happens, he's still the coolest guy i know.
and speaking of shows, i went to a show on friday in appleton. it was pretty cool. apollo sucked (as usual) and the second band relied far too much on prancing about the stange and jumping up and down to compensate for their inadequacies on their instruments ( but they were still better than apollo). sentenced to die was the most talented band there, which was cool because they're the reason i went to the show. my cousin is dating the drummer, so we went with to keep her company and look for cute emo girls for dylan. there was some bitchy little emo girl who was heckling john's band the whole time they were on stage. i was getting really pissed because i think it's very rude to do such things. people who have enough guts to write their own music, get on stage, and perform for a roomful of strangers have more guts than i do and deserve respect because of that. yes, i did think apollo was bad, but i didn't shout at them to get off the stage. people with no respect for others really piss me off, but i guess the guys from std went and stood around her when she was by the stage for the band after them. she freaked out, which was totally cool. dylan and i missed it though, because i was shaking and tired so we left as soon as std was done.
i really should do my homework now.
